This issue 5ยข

We're not new News, we're News Thats Used

Tomorrow is Sunday July 5, 2020
This is day 186 of 2020

Used News Crime Beat

In Bowie, Maryland, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honored, he left. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his personalized bank deposit slip. ...

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Did You Know

  • In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans every year.
  • Approximately $25 million is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas.
  • A study at Harvard has shown that eating chocolate can actually help you live longer.
  • Aluminum use to be more valuable than gold!
  • -40 degrees Celsius is equal to -40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Jokes Wildlife

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husbands' attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom.

Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with powerful wings, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The ...

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  • States should have the right to enact... laws... particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live. Comment made while he was Governor of Texas, the state leading in executions.

    - George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States

  • Filed Under: → Politics

  • "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." "Last one off the plane must clean it."

  • Filed Under: → Aviation

  • How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?

  • If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your head-lights, what happens?

  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

  • Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?

  • If FedEx and Ups merged, would they call it Fed Up?

  • Do fish get thirsty?

  • How many weeks are there in a light year?

  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

View More: → Good Questions

  • California becomes the 1st state to pass Plant Quarantine Legislation.

    Friday March 4, 1881

  • Filed Under: → Politics

  • Andrew Bedford publishes the 1st American magazine and calls it American Magazine.

    Monday February 13, 1741

  • Filed Under: → Business & Industry

  • Steve Fossett completes the 1st air balloon over Pacific Ocean - 9600 km.

    Wednesday February 22, 1995

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

  • Soyuz 1 is launched, Vladimir Komarov becomes the 1st in-flight casualty.

    Sunday April 23, 1967

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

  • Station WNBT-TV in New York, broadcast the first local color television commercials.

    Tuesday March 9, 1954

  • Filed Under: → Entertainment

Jokes Business & Industry

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoos' most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one.

The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that its a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make ...

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  • Whatever happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping.
    - Frank Knox, U.S. Secretary of the Navy, on December 4, 1941

    Filed Under: → Irony

  • Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
    - H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, Circa 1927

    Filed Under: → Irony

  • Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. - Isaac Asimov Professor of Biochemistry

    Filed Under: → Science

  • Carpet Fitting
    - by Walter Wall
  • Kung Fu for Beginners
    - by Flora Mugga
  • Whodunnit?
    - by Aventa Clew
  • Winning the Lottery
    - by Jack Potts
  • Aches and Pains
    - by Arthur Ritis
  • The Spicy Sausage
    - by Delia Katessen
  • Your Money or Your Life
    - by Stan Den Deliver

Jokes Wildlife

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks."Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she ...

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Jokes Wildlife

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she's a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When ...

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Jokes Bar Jokes

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

The man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, besides I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while.

I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just ...

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Used News for July 04

World Firsts

  • 1st radar contact with the Moon is made.

    Thursday January 10, 1946

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

  • 1st case together for Holmes & Watson begin "A Study in Scarlet" by Scottish author Arthur Conan Doyle.

    Friday March 4, 1887

  • Filed Under: → Entertainment

  • Franklin Delano Roosevelt conducts his 1st "fireside chat".

    Sunday March 12, 1933

  • Filed Under: → Politics

  • Dr. George Balfour becomes 1st Naval Surgeon in the U.S. navy.

    Friday March 9, 1798

  • Filed Under: → Medicine

  • 1st steam engine in America installed, to pump water from a mine.

    Wednesday March 12, 1755

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

View More: → World Firsts

Wise Words

  • If you must play, decide on three things at the start the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time.

    - Chinese Proverb

    Filed Under: Wise WordsProverbs

Good Question

  • If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped them both?
  • Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time:
    Where do solutions go when a candidate gets elected?
  • If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?
  • Does killing time damage eternity?
  • If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • Why does an inspiring sight like a sunrise always have to take place at such an inconvenient time?

Filed Under: → Good Question