News Thats Used

Monday September 15, 2003

After eating an English missionary in 1867, contrite villagers in Fiji are now eating humble pie and want to say they are sorry. Reverend Thomas Baker, from Playden, East Sussex, was cooked and eaten by the people of the remote mountain village of Navatusila.

The only thing left of Mr. Baker, a clergyman with the Wesleyan Methodist Church, were his leather boots, and they even attempted to chew ...

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Buttermilk does not contain any butter.

Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.

Canada is an Indian word meaning Big Village.

Quips

Thursday night is Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Filed Under: Church Notices

Sign seen at a Hair Salon: We curl up and dye for you.

Filed Under: Signs

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Filed Under: Church Notices

Fun Book Titles

Apologizing Made Simple
- by Thayer Thorry

Neck Exercises
- by G. Rarff

The Barber of Seville
- by Aaron Floor

All Aboard!
- by Abel Seamann

My Years in a Lunatic Asylum
- by I. M. Nutty

View More: Book Titles

Good Question

Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo. How come nobody will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Filed Under: Good Question

World Firsts

Joe DiMaggio becomes the 1st $100,000 a year baseball player. He plays for the New York Yankees.

Monday February 7, 1949

Filed Under: → Sports

France recognizes the United States of America and signs a treaty of aid in Paris; it's the 1st U.S. treaty.

Friday February 6, 1778

Filed Under: → War

Richard Johnson is the 1st Vice President chosen by the United States Senate. It happened during the Van Buren administration.

Wednesday February 8, 1837

Filed Under: → Politics

Events

Relatives of a 91-year-old Ohio woman who died this week are giving her the last word with a sassy, occasionally profane obituary that starts with the basics, "I was born. I lived. I died.", and instructs people to "Wait the appropriate amount of time" before trying to claim her stuff.

They wrote it in Jean Oddi's perspective, recapping the people important to her, adventures she had and her favorite activities, including playing cards and teaching her granddaughter "dirty songs".

Thursday February 23, 2017

Filed Under: → Deaths

A father and son in Alabama were killed when they crashed into each other in a head-on collision. Jeffrey Morris Brasher and his son Austin Blaine Brasher of Bankston, Alabama, died early Saturday morning.

Jeffrey Brasher was driving a 2006 Ford pickup and his son was driving a 2004 Chevrolet truck when they collided on a highway head-on, said Alabama State Trooper Jonathon Appling.

Saturday February 18, 2017

Filed Under: → Deaths

The man known as the 'Crocodile Hunter' died after his chest was punctured by a stingray barb while diving off Australia's northeast coast. The 44 year-old colourful personality was filming a documentary about the Great Barrier Reef when tragedy struck.

According to friend and colleague, John Stainton, Steve Irwin swam too close to the ray while he was diving off his boat "Croc One" near Batt Reef, northeast of Port Douglas.

Monday September 4, 2006

Filed Under: → Deaths